Here we are officially balls deep into 2010, on our way to the end of the world if the Mayans were right and all I have to show for it is a very extensive iTunes library,the high score on the Guitar Hero arcade machine at the Redondo Beach Arcade, and a series of scars; reminders of my ignorance.
If you don't think the fact that it's 2010 already is crazy then consider this... If Back to the Future was made today and Doc Brown juiced it to 88 miles an hour and they went back the same relative amount of time, they would be traveling to 1980... Where the fuck is my god damn hover-board?!?!? Where are the flying cars?!?! And god-damn-it where the hell is my android sex doll!?!?
I think it's time to revisit the many things we were promised which remain undelivered.
1. Lightsabers: Probably the coolest weapon to ever hit Hollywood. Lightsabers are weapons of the Jedi and Sith and made by each owner as part of their training... don't judge me for knowing that, I read it on Wikipedia (yes, I put research into this post...moving on). Think about how cool it would be to carry around a samurai sword. Then think of how cool it would be it the samurai sword was a giant switchblade, glowed, and could sear flesh instantly cauterizing wounds. The idea of the lightsaber has been around since the 70's and to date no one has been able to create anything even remotely close, and that makes me sad.
2. Holograms: Almost every movie ever made that referenced the future has one thing in common. Fucking holograms! I'm not talking about those crappy hologram posters you had on your ceiling in high school that glow under a black light (although those were pretty bad ass). Physicists theorize that holograms, as they are seen in movies, are not possible. However, if you watched CNN's coverage of the elections last year you could clearly see that science was wrong again, as a 3D hologram of Will-I-Am (from Black Eyed Peas) conversed with Wolf Blitzer. This further proves my theory that Wolf Blitzer isn't real.
3. Mars: In the 1950, back when men were men and women were still sexually repressed we sent a man to the moon. Think about that. Some dudes just sacked up and said lets put a man on the moon. So they did... they found a few guys who were willing to risk what at the time had to seem like certain death to explore the great unknown and be the first to do something - today's equivalent of "first!" on a comment string. (If you participate in this nonsense I hereby banish you from reading anything I write. Cease and desist, immediately.) What happened to the balls to the walls attitude NASA used to have?!?! I'll tell you this much, if the Russians were tying to get there we'd have already gone. I hate you mars rover.
4. Flying Cars: we're almost there... Flying Car from Moller
5. Virtual Reality (VR): If you weren't there, you probably wouldn't believe it. But way back at the start of the 90s, people at the edge of the emerging digital culture talked about VR — the idea that we would soon interact in shared 3D worlds — as much as, if not more than, they talked about the internet. (Of course, we were talking about it on the internet, so I guess sometimes you just don't notice your immediate surroundings.) There were dozens of conferences about VR and lots of national media coverage in every major outlet. There were movies and TV shows that revolved around VR and there was even one arcade game. But VR quickly disappeared from public consciousness. WTF!
... more to come, stay tuned
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