Wednesday, August 5, 2009

It's not easy being cheesy

I love cheese. It's pretty much the only food that can be put on anything. It's also the only food, that for some reason or another seems to be worse for you when melted. Weird right?

So sit back, relax and enjoy my ode to cheeses.

Favorite Cheese: Swiss

Swiss chesse is the only cheese you can draw and people will know what it is. Scientifically proven by the graph I made myself . I gave American cheese 24% becuase I figure clever people would make a picture of swiss cheese and then an american flag... I don't know if that's giving the general public too much credit.

Found at: Deli's and Grocery Stores
Overheard: "Watches, army knives and cheese! That's what Switzerland does!"

Least favorite cheese: artisan cheese
Reason: because most of it tastes gross... and I'm really just here for the wine.

For those of you who don't know, artisan cheese is another way of saying "expensive cheese". You can spot artisan cheese by the really weird names, textures, flavors and rediculous price tag. The only think about these cheeses is that they sometimes come in wheel form. This to me is amazing and I wish every food product could come in wheel form with a thin protective layer around it so you could... uh... roll it around... and stuff.

Found at: Wine and Cheese Parties & Expensive French Resturants
Overheard: "the Limburger and 86' Riesling pairing was absolutely to die for."

Most cheesiest Cheese: Nacho
Reason: Chips, jokes and fatness

Nacho cheese is the only cheese that has made its way into jokes. This is due to the fact that when said fast or drunkenly mumbled "Nacho" sounds like "not your"... with a southern twang. Also it's the only cheese that can be pumped out of a condiment tank at skin searing temperatures. Besides, if Nacho cheese didn't get an honorable mention in the "column-de-la-cheese" there would be a lot of angry fat people looking for me and I'm too pretty to die.

Found at: Ball Parks, Convenient Stores and In the arteries of the morbidly obese.
Overheard: "can i have some more cheese on my fried mayonnaise balls?"

Coolest Cheese you never heard of: Port Wine
Reason: It looks rad and tastes even better

Port Wine cheese is awesome. Don't believe me... try it.

Found at: Random grocery stores and other spots that carry weird shit
Overheard: "Port Wine cheese is awesome. Don't believe me... try it."

So that sums up my ode to cheese. So remember next time your sucking down a can of easy cheese that there is a variety out there and it never hurts to try new things. And if you find god in a grilled cheese sandwich.. let me know.

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